Jason KingABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER - A Review on Salty
August 1st 2012 10:09
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Review by Mitch Lewis: Vampire Hunter Slaughterer
Big thanks to Mitch for attending this screening in my place - it sounds like I may have scratched my eyes out if I had attended it. Nice review Mitch!!
Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States of America and arguably Americas most famous president, sports his iconic beard and black top hat as his image graces US currency, the monumental Mount Rushmore and his own memorial in Washington D.C. As the first republican president in American history, Abe is most notably responsible for the implication of the Emancipation Proclamation in 1862, an announcement he made during the Civil War which led to the freedom of slaves across America.
Also, according to novelist Seth Grahame-Smith, he hunts and kills undead creatures of the night who rise from their graves to feast on the blood of the living. So you can see why he obviously made such a popular President. We would've never turned against Ruddy if he'd just spent his nights patrolling our great nations graveyards instead of patrolling our coastlines for boat people.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted) directed adaptation of Grahame-Smiths novel of the same name. It stars a solid C-list cast, starting convincingly with Benjamin Walker (Kinsey) as the titular axe-wielding republican, Abraham Lincoln. As his mysterious mentor Henry Sturgess, Dominic Cooper (Captain America: The First Avenger). John McClanes daughter, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, stars as Abe's love interest, Mary Todd. His evil, blood sucking nemesis Adam is played ghoulishly by Rufus Sewell (Dark City) and his best friend since childhood Will and boss/hunting assistant Joshua Speed are played by Anthony Mackie and Jimmi Simpson respectively.
You all know the classic American story, boy witnesses his mothers murder, boy seeks vengeance, boy discovers mothers murderer is a vampire, boy grows up and turns out to be Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln gets trained by mysterious figure to hunt and kill vampires, Abraham Lincoln meets and marries Mary Todd Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln gets elected President of the United States of America, President teams up with best friend and shop owner to defeat head vampire Adam and prevent his team of vampires from taking over the world. It's surely documented in every encyclopaedia of every school in the US. I'm sure if we trace Julia Gillards history, we will discover that her blood red locks are actually an eternal flaming scar; a reminder of the time when she battled demons and the Devil himself as a young femme fatale, relying on her quick wit, cold stare and monotone bogan drawl to escape from the supernatural Underworld and lead Australia into the modern era.
Truth be told, if the movie took this kind of tongue-in-cheek approach, I could've liked it a whole lot more but because it takes itself so damn seriously, it falls flat on its attractive face. Like many have said before me, it had the right idea but the wrong execution and I couldn't agree more. For such a preposterous plot and a film title that beckons laughter, why this movie plays as though it could pass itself off as a historically accurate portrayal of American history is, at times, so serious it appears to be almost mocking itself.
My friend referred to the movie as ''a well-polished turd'' in that it is a spectacular looking film, riddled with special effects, outrageous stunts, choreography and vibrant visuals but underneath it all, lacks substance and any real guts. The visual effects would've benefitted from an FX team who took the time to plan and execute a few of the sequences in-camera, otherwise, all of this CGI just comes off as cheap and cartoony and audiences tend to show an extra bit of respect for those who can use their creative minds to plan and perform real stunts. After all, movie magic is a talent, not a computer program. The monstrous vampire faces in this film have that Mummy-esque, Stephen Somers type computer generated look about them which, to me, is always a deal-breaker when a good visual effects make-up artist could've achieved such astounding results in place of the unnecessarily lazy and expensive digitised vampire mugs. Which ironically brings me to my critique of the visual effects make-up used to age Benjamin Walker as he played Lincoln throughout his life. Although I had no problem with the baby-faced leads ability to carry the film, his performance ashamedly drowned towards the final act under the reprehensible prosthetic make-up that provided Lincoln's iconic beard as well as ageing him. My eyes were immediately drawn to the discolouration and poorly applied joins around the lips. It was a very visible flaw that was severely restricting his talking and general facial expressions and if you take away an actors ability to emote through their face, it limits their performance and presents an entirely different challenge that very few can successfully pull off.
#HollywoodActorsWithRestricte dFacialMovement #Irony
It would be remiss of me to not acknowledge the fact that yes, I am watching a movie about, not only vampires, but vampires that were hunted by an American President which led to events that would echo through history but there comes a point in every Hollywood fantasy feature where even the deepest of imaginations just can't fathom moments where horses are flung around as projectile weapons, a man can chop through a tree with one swing of an axe if he just closes his eyes and believes in himself for a few very brief seconds and horse and carriages smashing through the wall of a mansion and drifting in the living room as if Fast and the Furious was all of a sudden a period piece. The slow motion Zack Snyder-esque fight scenes are ludicrously overused here. The 105min run time could've been shaved down to a nice hour and a half had they not padded every 2 minute fight scene out with slow-mo beheadings and aerial acrobatics and as for digital blood, for the love of God, isn't it cheaper to just get water, corn flour and food dye?? It looks much more convincing too!! As far as I'm concerned, taking into consideration Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter's storyline, the action in this movie sits alongside the Clive Owen flick Shoot Em Up. As one of my more beloved action films, Shoot Em Up has the commendable ability to exude ridiculous amounts of action resulting in dark comedy from start to finish, something Abe Lincoln: Vamp Hunter could've certainly benefitted from and should keep in mind should there ever be a sequel, not that I've been left in any position to believe there will be.
As mentioned, the C-list cast do with this material what they can. None of them are our generations greatest or most well-known thespians but considering the lines of dialogue and scenarios they are given, their presence is at least competent enough to make the movie watchable. Save grace for Mary Elizabeth Winstead's dramatic moment where she hits husband Abe's chest in a tearful anger. She hits it and hits it and hits it some more. And hits it and hits it again. All with the same hand, in the same spot, in the same succession and saying the same word. It was almost rhythmic. A dramatic crescendo reduced to an unintentional act of slapstick comedy.
I'm not going to sugarcoat this review, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter does not have my recommendation. Its ''stylized action'' is messy and poorly executed and despite cleverly incorporating some iconic Abraham Lincoln speeches and moments, its story is weak and nothing you haven't seen before in a special effects laden supernatural action movie. Unless you're American or a die-hard fan of political figures, many of the patriotic references in this movie will fly over your head and it will do nothing for you but beg you to question why you parted with $20 to watch it. It should go without saying that the 3D is hardly worth mentioning. Even the moments where whips, bullets and debris fly at the screen are stupidly obvious and dull. I was lucky to have had the opportunity to see this movie, however the movie is lucky to even receive a 2/10 from me.
If this movie only manages to do one thing right, please God let it inspire a ''John Howard: Zombie Slayer'' (2014) listing on the IMDb.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter hits Australian cinemas on August 2 and is rated MA15 .
Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States of America and arguably Americas most famous president, sports his iconic beard and black top hat as his image graces US currency, the monumental Mount Rushmore and his own memorial in Washington D.C. As the first republican president in American history, Abe is most notably responsible for the implication of the Emancipation Proclamation in 1862, an announcement he made during the Civil War which led to the freedom of slaves across America.
Also, according to novelist Seth Grahame-Smith, he hunts and kills undead creatures of the night who rise from their graves to feast on the blood of the living. So you can see why he obviously made such a popular President. We would've never turned against Ruddy if he'd just spent his nights patrolling our great nations graveyards instead of patrolling our coastlines for boat people.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a Timur Bekmambetov (Wanted) directed adaptation of Grahame-Smiths novel of the same name. It stars a solid C-list cast, starting convincingly with Benjamin Walker (Kinsey) as the titular axe-wielding republican, Abraham Lincoln. As his mysterious mentor Henry Sturgess, Dominic Cooper (Captain America: The First Avenger). John McClanes daughter, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, stars as Abe's love interest, Mary Todd. His evil, blood sucking nemesis Adam is played ghoulishly by Rufus Sewell (Dark City) and his best friend since childhood Will and boss/hunting assistant Joshua Speed are played by Anthony Mackie and Jimmi Simpson respectively.
You all know the classic American story, boy witnesses his mothers murder, boy seeks vengeance, boy discovers mothers murderer is a vampire, boy grows up and turns out to be Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln gets trained by mysterious figure to hunt and kill vampires, Abraham Lincoln meets and marries Mary Todd Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln gets elected President of the United States of America, President teams up with best friend and shop owner to defeat head vampire Adam and prevent his team of vampires from taking over the world. It's surely documented in every encyclopaedia of every school in the US. I'm sure if we trace Julia Gillards history, we will discover that her blood red locks are actually an eternal flaming scar; a reminder of the time when she battled demons and the Devil himself as a young femme fatale, relying on her quick wit, cold stare and monotone bogan drawl to escape from the supernatural Underworld and lead Australia into the modern era.
Truth be told, if the movie took this kind of tongue-in-cheek approach, I could've liked it a whole lot more but because it takes itself so damn seriously, it falls flat on its attractive face. Like many have said before me, it had the right idea but the wrong execution and I couldn't agree more. For such a preposterous plot and a film title that beckons laughter, why this movie plays as though it could pass itself off as a historically accurate portrayal of American history is, at times, so serious it appears to be almost mocking itself.
My friend referred to the movie as ''a well-polished turd'' in that it is a spectacular looking film, riddled with special effects, outrageous stunts, choreography and vibrant visuals but underneath it all, lacks substance and any real guts. The visual effects would've benefitted from an FX team who took the time to plan and execute a few of the sequences in-camera, otherwise, all of this CGI just comes off as cheap and cartoony and audiences tend to show an extra bit of respect for those who can use their creative minds to plan and perform real stunts. After all, movie magic is a talent, not a computer program. The monstrous vampire faces in this film have that Mummy-esque, Stephen Somers type computer generated look about them which, to me, is always a deal-breaker when a good visual effects make-up artist could've achieved such astounding results in place of the unnecessarily lazy and expensive digitised vampire mugs. Which ironically brings me to my critique of the visual effects make-up used to age Benjamin Walker as he played Lincoln throughout his life. Although I had no problem with the baby-faced leads ability to carry the film, his performance ashamedly drowned towards the final act under the reprehensible prosthetic make-up that provided Lincoln's iconic beard as well as ageing him. My eyes were immediately drawn to the discolouration and poorly applied joins around the lips. It was a very visible flaw that was severely restricting his talking and general facial expressions and if you take away an actors ability to emote through their face, it limits their performance and presents an entirely different challenge that very few can successfully pull off.
#HollywoodActorsWithRestricte dFacialMovement #Irony
It would be remiss of me to not acknowledge the fact that yes, I am watching a movie about, not only vampires, but vampires that were hunted by an American President which led to events that would echo through history but there comes a point in every Hollywood fantasy feature where even the deepest of imaginations just can't fathom moments where horses are flung around as projectile weapons, a man can chop through a tree with one swing of an axe if he just closes his eyes and believes in himself for a few very brief seconds and horse and carriages smashing through the wall of a mansion and drifting in the living room as if Fast and the Furious was all of a sudden a period piece. The slow motion Zack Snyder-esque fight scenes are ludicrously overused here. The 105min run time could've been shaved down to a nice hour and a half had they not padded every 2 minute fight scene out with slow-mo beheadings and aerial acrobatics and as for digital blood, for the love of God, isn't it cheaper to just get water, corn flour and food dye?? It looks much more convincing too!! As far as I'm concerned, taking into consideration Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter's storyline, the action in this movie sits alongside the Clive Owen flick Shoot Em Up. As one of my more beloved action films, Shoot Em Up has the commendable ability to exude ridiculous amounts of action resulting in dark comedy from start to finish, something Abe Lincoln: Vamp Hunter could've certainly benefitted from and should keep in mind should there ever be a sequel, not that I've been left in any position to believe there will be.
As mentioned, the C-list cast do with this material what they can. None of them are our generations greatest or most well-known thespians but considering the lines of dialogue and scenarios they are given, their presence is at least competent enough to make the movie watchable. Save grace for Mary Elizabeth Winstead's dramatic moment where she hits husband Abe's chest in a tearful anger. She hits it and hits it and hits it some more. And hits it and hits it again. All with the same hand, in the same spot, in the same succession and saying the same word. It was almost rhythmic. A dramatic crescendo reduced to an unintentional act of slapstick comedy.
I'm not going to sugarcoat this review, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter does not have my recommendation. Its ''stylized action'' is messy and poorly executed and despite cleverly incorporating some iconic Abraham Lincoln speeches and moments, its story is weak and nothing you haven't seen before in a special effects laden supernatural action movie. Unless you're American or a die-hard fan of political figures, many of the patriotic references in this movie will fly over your head and it will do nothing for you but beg you to question why you parted with $20 to watch it. It should go without saying that the 3D is hardly worth mentioning. Even the moments where whips, bullets and debris fly at the screen are stupidly obvious and dull. I was lucky to have had the opportunity to see this movie, however the movie is lucky to even receive a 2/10 from me.
If this movie only manages to do one thing right, please God let it inspire a ''John Howard: Zombie Slayer'' (2014) listing on the IMDb.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter hits Australian cinemas on August 2 and is rated MA15 .
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