Jason KingPirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - A Review
May 23rd 2011 12:37
:
EPIC LETDOWN
Category: Reviews
Appalling disgrace to the franchise is the first thing that comes to mind. Other things include poor pantomime of the Pirates films, waste of film, embarrassment to Disney and so on - but then you see the admissions and box office takings and cringe at the fact they will try and do more of this pure tripe.
The Pirates films have been made on a scale from masterpiece to piece of shit and you can guess which one this is.
I struggled to find things I actually liked in this installment - who would have thought I would miss Keira Knightley or Orlando Bloom in a film. I loathe Knightley but this film was lacking without her, Bloom and all the little characters we have come to love - all of them were missing and it totally sucked because of it. The only people that are back in this film is Depp, the man, Captain Jack Sparrow, Barbossa (Rush) and Gibbs (Kevin McNally).
This one sees Jack Sparrow and Barbossa embark on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to discover that Blackbeard and his daughter are after it too.
We see the introduction of Penelope Cruz in this one and she is great, I really like her and her hot blood. Ian McShane had me excited when I heard he was playing Blackbeard - he is made for a role like this and ever since I watched Deadwood he has been one of my favorite actors, just love him. But the script and screenplay in this film are just downright boring and Blackbeard is meant to be the scariest pirate that all the other pirates are scared of and Blackbeard isn't scary at all, epic fail on this front. He only has a magic sword basically and without it he is less threatening than Gibbs. The film briefly touches on Blackbeard zombifying some of his crew and then leaves it - it just wasn't necessary and was there to only explain some freaky looking crew on the boat - why not develop this?
Then there is Captain Jack Sparrow, played again by Depp and Depp is going through the motions without any of the spark his character had from the first three films. His crazy little segments of him escaping from hellish predicaments have just gone too far and they are bloody ludicrous - I mean, did the director read the script before he started filming?
There was one thing I absolutely loved, the introductions of the mermaids and the mermaid main scene is just superb and scary and I wanted more of that. The film is is boring and I was so ridiculously fidgety that I even considered walking out but then the mermaid scene came along and I got all excited before the film slipped back into the mundane.
Even Geoffrey Rush's Barbossa is as boring as hell. In this one he has already lost his leg and is a pegleg and is working for the King's Royal Navy in a kosher position of "honesty" but, of course, he has his ulterior motives and we don't even see the real Barbossa until the closing scenes when he re-embraces his pirate-hood.
I really enjoyed Stephen Graham as Scrum and he steps forward as the replacement as the funny duo of the pirates, one of which had the wooden eye - loved those guys. Graham is kind of funny and was enjoyable onscreen - you could tell he was actually enjoying himself. I also enjoyed the story between the preacher and the prisoner mermaid but have no idea why the mermaid raced in and helped out Jack? I also noticed the blooper of Jack swigging the rum out of Barbossa's leg by taking a little slurp with a limited tilt to the leg after Barbossa has just taken a deep swig and tilted the leg way back. And how on earth Jack managed to climb that palm tree is just silly.
I do believe Rob Marshall came aboard a sinking ship with this one and he did what he could with a Disney greenlit script but I cannot fathom how he thought the final outcome was good. The film starts with a very poor and boring beginning and continues on this path until the mermaid scene and ends with a very "mummy-esque" ending that had me head shaking. The film had stories of the Spanish, the Jack angle, the Barbossa angle, the Blackbeard and daughter angle and so on - there is too much going on with the plot that it is all lost. There is no strong central plot that was the success of the originals. I loathed the second and third films but now I watch them as part of a Pirates trilogy and they work really well. This film is so far removed from the central story of the film that it's a disgrace.
Incredibly disappointing all round and I literally pray to Poseidon that there is not another one and oh my bloody god - there is their story for the next central character - Poseidon - Pirates is out now and I did enjoy the 3D but it does not save this leaky boat. Worth 2 out of 10. Cutthroat Island is more enjoyable.
The Pirates films have been made on a scale from masterpiece to piece of shit and you can guess which one this is.
I struggled to find things I actually liked in this installment - who would have thought I would miss Keira Knightley or Orlando Bloom in a film. I loathe Knightley but this film was lacking without her, Bloom and all the little characters we have come to love - all of them were missing and it totally sucked because of it. The only people that are back in this film is Depp, the man, Captain Jack Sparrow, Barbossa (Rush) and Gibbs (Kevin McNally).
This one sees Jack Sparrow and Barbossa embark on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to discover that Blackbeard and his daughter are after it too.
We see the introduction of Penelope Cruz in this one and she is great, I really like her and her hot blood. Ian McShane had me excited when I heard he was playing Blackbeard - he is made for a role like this and ever since I watched Deadwood he has been one of my favorite actors, just love him. But the script and screenplay in this film are just downright boring and Blackbeard is meant to be the scariest pirate that all the other pirates are scared of and Blackbeard isn't scary at all, epic fail on this front. He only has a magic sword basically and without it he is less threatening than Gibbs. The film briefly touches on Blackbeard zombifying some of his crew and then leaves it - it just wasn't necessary and was there to only explain some freaky looking crew on the boat - why not develop this?
Then there is Captain Jack Sparrow, played again by Depp and Depp is going through the motions without any of the spark his character had from the first three films. His crazy little segments of him escaping from hellish predicaments have just gone too far and they are bloody ludicrous - I mean, did the director read the script before he started filming?
There was one thing I absolutely loved, the introductions of the mermaids and the mermaid main scene is just superb and scary and I wanted more of that. The film is is boring and I was so ridiculously fidgety that I even considered walking out but then the mermaid scene came along and I got all excited before the film slipped back into the mundane.
Even Geoffrey Rush's Barbossa is as boring as hell. In this one he has already lost his leg and is a pegleg and is working for the King's Royal Navy in a kosher position of "honesty" but, of course, he has his ulterior motives and we don't even see the real Barbossa until the closing scenes when he re-embraces his pirate-hood.
I really enjoyed Stephen Graham as Scrum and he steps forward as the replacement as the funny duo of the pirates, one of which had the wooden eye - loved those guys. Graham is kind of funny and was enjoyable onscreen - you could tell he was actually enjoying himself. I also enjoyed the story between the preacher and the prisoner mermaid but have no idea why the mermaid raced in and helped out Jack? I also noticed the blooper of Jack swigging the rum out of Barbossa's leg by taking a little slurp with a limited tilt to the leg after Barbossa has just taken a deep swig and tilted the leg way back. And how on earth Jack managed to climb that palm tree is just silly.
I do believe Rob Marshall came aboard a sinking ship with this one and he did what he could with a Disney greenlit script but I cannot fathom how he thought the final outcome was good. The film starts with a very poor and boring beginning and continues on this path until the mermaid scene and ends with a very "mummy-esque" ending that had me head shaking. The film had stories of the Spanish, the Jack angle, the Barbossa angle, the Blackbeard and daughter angle and so on - there is too much going on with the plot that it is all lost. There is no strong central plot that was the success of the originals. I loathed the second and third films but now I watch them as part of a Pirates trilogy and they work really well. This film is so far removed from the central story of the film that it's a disgrace.
Incredibly disappointing all round and I literally pray to Poseidon that there is not another one and oh my bloody god - there is their story for the next central character - Poseidon - Pirates is out now and I did enjoy the 3D but it does not save this leaky boat. Worth 2 out of 10. Cutthroat Island is more enjoyable.
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Comment by brokenbones
Battlefield of Broken Bones
Great review. You echo my sentiments in regards to every Pirates movie but the first.
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
I actually loathed the second and third films until I watched them altogether again on Blu Ray and they work as a trilogy. Not as good as the first one but I did enjoy them none the less.
Thanks for the comment!
And god I hate tripe